Dear A,
Sometimes it seems as if we're all the same the world is the same and time passes. But we're learning. We're making decisions and observe results. Was our choice right? It's not easy to answer. I have a reason to start this letter with such an enigmatic intro.
The choice I want to write about is connected with our beloved idealism - it doesn't matter right now whether it exists or not. But what should we choose:
- hurt ourselves instead of hurting the others, or
- hurt others insted of hurting ourselves?
An example I told you today: I know that there no chances for a serious and happy relationship between me and X. I know also that X thinks the other way. Should I sacrifice in order not to hurt X? It sounds like a bit of idealism, doesn't it? I will tell the truth. I have to, because the worst thing I can do is to hesitate - not to do anything and let things go their way. I've been treated like that and I DO KNOW that it hurts. I've been simply ignored by a coward who couldn't even ask me to fuck off. But now I'm OK so let's not talk about this kind of people and let the rot in oblivion. I agree - it took a while to recover, but we both know that the results are the only things that matter. Going back to the topic, for god sake, if we can't redeem ourselves how can we even think of redeeming the others? We can only endeavour to show them the right way with a blessing of truth. In my particular example I have tell X: Sorry, I don't love you and I never will. In the other case - as Freddie sung - too much love will kill me. If I'm wrong you're allowed to reprimand me with great vengeance and furious anger.
[...] How would it be if you were standing in my shoes
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose [...]
Queen - Too much love will kill you